Well, Im a 19 year old male from lincolnshire.. I have been bullied for 8 years in my life because of the way I looked, because I use to weigh 24 stone. Over a few year's ive lost 10.5 stone, but I have no confidence to do anything these days.

I want to find someone who loves me for who I am, but is there anyone around? I did have 2 girlfriends in the past who just used me *took my money* and cheated on me. Thing is, I dont try and get my money back or anything im too nice a person.

I am still a virgin, and I would like to lose it soon. I never ever go out anywhere aswell, because of my paranoia of the way I look, also I dont drink or smoke, or have any friends to be honest..

I know theres someone out there, but where are you..

All I have to do is keep crossing my fingers I guess.

Thanks for reading peeps. :]

Dude,
Greetings from the US! Ok, first off congrats on loosing weight! That's awesome and something that should make you feel proud of your self for doing, I know, I recently just shed 60 pounds I put on from my last asshole I was living with! LOL! Second, if you think you don't look good then that's what everyone is going to see regardless of what you REALLY look like. I have been attracted to not very attractive guys because of the way they held themselves. They oozed confidence, humor, charm, and manners. When it all comes down to it dude, it's all about how YOU perceive yourself and how you exude that in front of others. So hold your head up and walk with confidence, THAT"S what women find attractive!

Also, it's great your a nice guy, we like nice guys but we don't like, for lack of a better word, suckers and unfortunately, there are those bitches out there who will take advantage of nice guys like yourself and not even bat an eye. You don't need to buy anyone's attention so stop giving women money! It's one thing to pay for a date but if she ain't reciprocating genuine feelings in return, keep your wallet closed! You deserve better than that!

Listen, you are young and have your whole life ahead of you. You will find that someone special, and she is out there, just for you. So don't be in such a hurry to find someone, it will happen , give it time. In the meantime, work on what makes you happy and go out and enjoy life and doing things that interest you. Chances are when you least expect it (because by this time ya got that confidence thing going ) you will meet your match.

About the virgin thing, do yourself a favor and go rent The 40 Year Old Virgin, it's freaking hilarious and it will make you feel so much better about yourself. When you meet someone who likes and wants to be with you, she's not going to care whether your a virgin or not, she's just going to be happy she finally met a decent dude! Cheers dude, I wish you all the best. Your going to be just fine.

Your friend in the States,
Laura

I think Laura cleaned up here....

Good luck Nick!

Hi there, I'm 24 and pretty much in the same boat as you are, heh.

Yeah, I was bullied alot in school/high-school/college. I was never popular, and I only had about 1 girlfriend, although I wouldn't really class that as even a relationship - she was only interested in getting help with computers, really.

ANYWAY, whilst I don't think my situation was as bad as your's was, I think we were in similar places. Basically, its taken me this long to work things through.

In all those places, I thought virtually no-one even liked me. The fact is, only a small number of people actually had it out for me. But the truth is, the rest where neutral, and/or mildly friendly. Maybe its not the same with you, but I bet their where a few.

So, how to deal with thing now? Well, there is a large bag of emotional damage you'll most likely have to sort out in you're own head. Firstly, you aren't as unattractive as you think you are. In truth, there was at least 1 girl who I could have 'had' if I hadn't got my head in my own arse in college. And given you've lost all that weigh (and seriously, kudo's on that!) you've improved any unattractiveness right there.

So, step one. Learn to ignore that voice in your head. You know the one - the one that is your own voice criticising and judging yourself all the time. That little bastard wants to hold you back and keep you in the unhappy place.

Step two, try and work you're way into friendships. I didn't see if you where at work or Uni, so I'll give advice on bought.

Work: Chat with your colleagues, and you'll be amazed how quickly you can get friends around the workplace if you open up alittle - I know, the instinct developed from year's of harrashment is to clam up, but these people aren't the same jerks who'll end up unemployed/dead of alocohol poisoning/turn out to be gay (yeah, I found out that happened to one of them!) and made you life hell in school. If anything, these guys will most likely develop a friendly interest in trying to help you out. Ok, I wouldn't recommend trying to date any of them, unless thats you thing , but still, they'll normally invite you along to social gatherings and such. From their, more friends, more opportunities to find someone.

Uni: Similar unsituation, only with more alocohol. Try and make friends with the people in you're class. If anything, Uni has the added benefit of reducing everyone to having to make brand new friendships there.

Step 3: Self-defense/respect. Women - their lovely, aren't they? Mostly, yes. But as you and I both know, there are those women who are little more than users who see you as nothing mroe than a database/wallet/protector they can pilot without much effort. I'll tell you this - your gut is usually right - if you think she's only after you for something other than a partner or friendship (And I mean two way real friendship), avoid her. DON'T LOOK INTO THEIR EYES! They are masters (or is that mistress's?) of manpilating men at a basic love-driven level. Reckonise, halt, and ignore. Some part of you always has a sense that something is wrong.


Anyway... its pretty late here, so I've probably ranted on a fair bit and ceased making sense awhile ago, so I'll stop here. Hope it helps, and wish me luck too! Oh, and remember - we're not alone.

Dont think theres much more we can add on here! but good luck u deserve sum1 that loves and cares for you! but Lauras right on the confidence thing woman are drawn to a man that has that charm!

Good luck

Hi F1Gods Firstly there's been a lot of good, and helpful advice here so not much more I can add, other than give you my story. I know I'll take on some of the advice/encouragement here, so thanks to those who've contributed

If it's any concilation, I know exactly how you feel. I'm a 26yr old male myself, and also have no friends, at least not my own age. And those older friends that I do have rarely come round to see how I am, or ring up. I rarely go out, nor do I smoke or drink.

Firstly though, congratulations on losing that much weight that must have taken some hard work! And surely, as has been pointed out, that must make you feel better in yourself? I know I'd feel much better about myself! How about using the effort you put into losing weight, put it into something you're passionate about?

With regards to my situation, I believe it came about because of my health. In 2001,when I was 17yrs old, I was paralysed from the waist down for 6wks. I was in hospital for 4.5 months in total, but thankfully I can now walk again To top that off, 2yrs later my kidney transplant failed. I'd had kidney problems since birth, and had relatively few problems. So since then I've been on dialysis. So, effectively my contact with girls ceased from 2001, when I was 17. Not only that but my whole life direction was changed at that point. Young people don't relate to me very well, partly because of my health problems, which have ongoing problems/side effects. I've had little confidence with regards to my looks too, even though I've been told I'm cute/good looking by females. I had really good skin before my transplant stopped working, but then broke out in a rash which left my face very scarred once the acne had settled down. This has dented my confidence about my looks too.

But they say the things we go through in life build character, and I'm starting to believe that! I've become more confident since these health problems, and have become more 'chatty' with new people. And as others have pointed out, women do like confidence, and find that attractive. I've certainly found that out, since being on the ward with kidney problems, with plenty of female nurses

I've decided that if I want to get on in life, I need to do something about it. Having been waiting for a kidney transplant for 5yrs now, I've decided to start dialysis at home, so that I can go back to college/get a job. This in turn should help my social life with meeting new people, as others above have pointed out. Having been through what I've been through, I'm thinking about doing a course in health care, which should bring me into contact with plenty of girls

As others have said, do you have any interests? I see you have an interesting user name. Formula 1 fan by any chance? I love F1, and motorsport in general. I spent today at Brands Hatch watching some club racing, and '90's F1 cars racing. I went on my own, but am glad I did! It gave me confidence, mainly on being able to get myself there, without having to rely on somebody giving me directions But that is just one part in building confidence, as small as it might seem. The racing was fantastic, by the way

I know this is easy for me to say, but just get out there, and start making contact with new people, through whatever means. I should take my own advice, which is why I decided to just go out on my own today.

I hope things work out for you, there's someone out there for you. To give you hope, I saw a guy today who didn't look like the type of guy who would have a girlfriend, (if you know what I mean), but he did! That gave me confidence (without sounding arrogant about myself), that I could have one one day. Try to stay positive

Nick! I just saw your photos and honey, you are absolutely adorable! Oh darlin, those girls don't have a CLUE what they lost! You need to take a long hard look at yourself in the mirror sweetie because if you see what I see well, you are just one handsome dude! I was so glad to hear from you and to see that there are other people out there who shared their stories with you as well. You are not alone. And if you ever feel like you are you just get right on your computer and e-mail me and I will be right here for you to talk with. But I agree with them that you need to get out there and make some friends. Chances are those ones that bullied you in the past won't even recognize you and you probably look better than they do now anyways! Stay clear of those assholes and meet some good positive people.

I suggest going to a gym, I love the feeling of being in the gym just because everyone there is there to get fit and that is positive. So it works for me. But, walks are good, do you like the arts or going to concerts? Maybe you could take a class doing something you like, that's a really good way to meet people and people with like interests. I started taking ceramics in school and fell in love with it and met some really cool people and made some really cool pieces! Are you musically inclined? Chicks dig musicians. You could start a band. I'm just trying to throw some suggestions out to you because I KNOW you have to be interested in something. What do you aspire to do, what are your dreams, your passions? Go after them because your the only one who can. When you do, Nick, dude, you are going to be so frickin happy because you will have found what makes you come alive.

I think it's sweet you want to have children but you have to find what makes you happy in your own life before you can bring another into this world. Believe me, it's not that easy. I have two. And you don't need a woman to make you happy either. But I do know what you feel, what you long for. That one person to love you for you. I know, I long for the same thing. Sometimes I think it will never happen, but I know there is someone out there somewhere just for me. Where the hell he is, I don't know but he better hurry up! LOL!

Dude, your a cutie pie, who has been through a lot and gone through a lot of changes. But now you just have to move forward with your life and do what makes you happy, walk your own path. You will and I know you will be just fine. So, chin up and smile in those pics because ,WOW, your just adorable!

Good luck with your surgery, I hope all goes well. I will never gain that weight back again and I was lucky enough to have worked out a lot and kept very toned. I'm not a stick though, but I'm working on it. Please keep me up dated on your status and if you ever need to chat , send me an e-mail here and I'll send you my other e-mail address. Take care you. Ciao for now.

Your friend in the states,

Laura [/i]

One last thing. If your ever feeling not sure of yourself or lacking confidence, read my first post again because it pretty much says it all and I know you have it in you. Just remember, women like confident and charming not cocky and arrogant, there's a huge difference. Be your confident, charming self kid, just be yourself, I'm sure your a wonderful person!
Laura

Okays, with the quoting things done, I will tell you a few stories, which I have troubles with..

Hospital - So on Wednesday, I had a hospital appointment at 16:05pm, got there 30 mins early, as we drove a good 60-70 miles to get there. Anyways, waited and waited til near enough 6pm, and the doctor looked at my body, and said.. okay, you will have to have 2 operations, 1 on my chest and one on my stomache. He then explained whats going to do to me, and how its going to work. He explained how hes gonna cut me open and all. So yeah, he said what could happen to me, if something goes wrong (well, its not meant to be funny but ohh well), I could lose my nipples, as I have to cut the breast tissue open, as put it this way, im not flat chested, so yeah, after that... Meh.. I had a blackout.. I went blind literally for a good 10 mins, sweat all down my face and body, I was pale as a ghost, and weak as hell, I couldnt move, and honestly, I thoght I was going to die, sorry. I just never experienced nothing like it in my life. Im not bullshitting, and the doctor came to me, and said, heres a cup of water, drink it, and lay forward, where my head is on my knees kinda thing. I just dont know why it happened. This was at Addenbrookes Hospital in Cambridge. Im going to have my chest surgery in first, in around 4 months i think they said.


Thats the first story about the Surgeries.Next thing is this course I go to every day (thanks to the government) (bastards), lol.

A4E - So yeah, I finished A-Levels in May 2008, and for the mean time, I was looking for work, since im on JSA, (job seakers allowence) and havnt found work in 6 months, I have to go and attend this A4E course, as part of the government scheme to get you into work, dispite there are no jobs out there. Anyways, Ive been there for 4 weeks or something now, and literally ive done nothing, just sat in a room bored to death. But this week (Monday), this girl was forced to come on this course. On monday, I just stared, looked at her, I couldnt help it.. On Tuesday, I said hello kinda thing, nothing too serious, but continued to stare at her, i looked at her, and she smiled back a few times, kinda thing. Wednesday I was at hospital, and on Thursday when I went to this A4E course, I saw her mixing with people in the room I have to be in, which is sweet. Me and her, talked a little bit, and then she wanted to catch her bus at the bus stop laters on, and I went with her and we got to know each other alot, I smiled and everything, something to get over the black out on Wednesday, as I was kinda depressed and all over it. I said to her about my surgeries, and she was shocked when I said I weighed so much weight in the past. Anyways, where were we, yeah, we got to know each other more, and finding out what she does in her spare time (spends her time at home with her dogs), so she caught her bus. Laters that night, I literally cried myself to sleep, sad to admit, I don't know if shes single, if she likes me or anything, and if im actually good enough for her, obviously I have a crush on her, but she doesn't know of course, finally went to sleep around 4am Friday morning/Thurs Night. On the Friday, I found out more information about her, I dont know, everywhere she went, I was with her, like, she wanted to go bank, I offered and asked her if i could come too. Same with going to another place, we spent a few hours in town, just going places and I done some shopping (well bread, fruit, squash which my mother wanted me to get), but we went to a recruitment agency, and signed up to it, I looked at her application, and I put her mobile number into my phone (bad decision? You tell me), she doesnt know about it and all.. Meh..I offered to buy her sweets (as she's addicted to them, she said shes okays) but yeah, i really like her, shes 20 years old, and lives around 5-10 miles away from me, I offered to drive her home, but she had a return bus ticket.. I just dont know what to do, any hinters, I finish my course in 7 weeks time or something, so havnt got time on my hands. Shes 20 years old and shes like me, doesnt smoke, drink or go out really.

Well, it sounds like you have met someone interesting. If I may offer some unsolicited advice, just go slow, get to know her and find out if she is in a relationship or not first. Try to lead with your head first, then your heart. And I do NOT want to hear any crap about "I don't know if I'm good enough for her" !!!!! Hello??? Is she good enough for you as well? I hope I'm not sounding too much like a mother hen here, but I feel as if I have adopted you as my overseas son and I do not want to see you get your heart broken again. LOL!

However, she does sound lovely, and quite very possibly a good match for you, just take it slow and be careful of your heart little one. Try not to be too obliging, women like a little mystery and chase, but not in the asssholish way. We want to know that your interested in us but not like a puppy dog who follows our every move, do you understand that sad attempt of an analogy? I hope so because I am hoping that things will work out for the two of you. And, if it's meant to be, it'll happen. But just remember if for some reason things don't go the way you wish them to, there are a billion other women out there and one who is just for you.

Now, as for the excuse of not having many friends so you think you can't get out and do anything, hogwash! I go out and do things by myself all the time. How the hell do you think I meet people? I go out and strike up a conversation usually by asking someone some kind of a question pertaining to something or somewhere I'm at. Even if I know the answers, I play dumb just to start talking. You'd be surprised at the responses you will get just by being genuinely friendly and with a smile on your face!

I'm a singer. I was so shy at first. My friend had to push me to run an ad in the local paper. Best thing I ever did. You said you can sing. Run an ad in your local paper or online. That's how I met a LOT of people. And let me tell you something about musicians, they may look and act all cool but trust me most of them were the little band geeks in school and thank God for that because they are smart and intelligent and funny! You will meet people a lot more like yourself than you think. I strongly urge you to take that step when you feel ready, the world is always looking for the next new talent! Why can't it be you? You my friend, have the internet at your fingertips, when I was doing music we didn't have that kind of outlet. If I was your age again I would use that to it's fullest capacity.

So, sorry I haven't written on here for a while, but I have been fighting my own bouts of depression. Hearing from you has brightened my day and I just hope that you understand what I offer is just what it is, advice. You make your own decisions in life and you do whats right for you. I just hope what ever you choose makes you happy.

Sending you all the best thoughts that things work out for you. Hope to hear from you soon and please keep me posted on your surgery, I know you will be fine.

Your Friend in the States,

Laura [/i]

Oh yeah. Stop saying your big and horrible! Because trust me, that's not what I see. You need a daily mantra, something like," I look good, I feel good and I'm getting better everyday"

I know that when people lose large amounts of weight, mentally they still see themselves as "fat." I bet your still wearing big size clothes that are probably hanging off of you too, common as well. Go shopping and get some new clothes that show off your new bod!! It will open your eyes and make you feel so wonderful!!! Get out of the baggy clothes, chicks want to see your cute little ass! Now go on, go shopping, thrift stores will do if your on a budget, no excuses now!

Just one more thing then I'll quit ramblin. I was sorry to read about your trip to the hospital. I'm sure that was very scary for you. I hope the Dr.'s take good care of you and you are in good condition for the surgery. Please let me know the updates on all of that as I know it can be a frightening experience. Just concerned for you is all. Ok, now time to go shopping!

Your friend in the States,
Laura:)

Gosh, I ain't posted anything on here, but a lots happened since my last reply.. Right back down to quoting now

I did like that persons company, until she left the course and we never spoke since, and she was in a relationship aswell. Found out a few days before she left the course, which was a bummer..

Well, I don't know if im good enough for anyone it seems, Ughh, just hate everything about me and mysef. Feel free to adopt me. Or you could just snoop by with your balaklavas on and take me away. I soooo dont want my heart crushed, but I feel crushed every time something goes wrong I guess.

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However, she does sound lovely, and quite very possibly a good match for you, just take it slow and be careful of your heart little one. Try not to be too obliging, women like a little mystery and chase, but not in the asssholish way. We want to know that your interested in us but not like a puppy dog who follows our every move, do you understand that sad attempt of an analogy? I hope so because I am hoping that things will work out for the two of you. And, if it's meant to be, it'll happen. But just remember if for some reason things don't go the way you wish them to, there are a billion other women out there and one who is just for you.

Well thats good that you go out and do your own things, I guess you have the courage, the confidence and everything else, I guess youre more of a socialable person who likes going out tho. Im glad and happy that youre meeting a lot of people, and I will take your word about acting dumb, I will bare that in mind.

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So, sorry I haven't written on here for a while, but I have been fighting my own bouts of depression. Hearing from you has brightened my day and I just hope that you understand what I offer is just what it is, advice. You make your own decisions in life and you do whats right for you. I just hope what ever you choose makes you happy. Sending you all the best thoughts that things work out for you. Hope to hear from you soon and please keep me posted on your surgery, I know you will be fine. Your Friend in the States, Laura [/i]